Eirik Stavem – to whom it may concern…

People are different, no doubt…

Some people radiate self-esteem in a very calming and attractive way. You can tell that they’re very relaxed in any setting you put them in, and that they don’t appear to worry too much about what other people think of them (though they probably do, because having good self-esteem IMO means that you know yourself and your weak and strong points well, so you know when to adjust to other people instead of holding your ground no matter what and assume that you’re perfect and don’t need to change).

I think this is what separates people with good self-esteem from people who are either really unsure about themselves, or have too much misplaced self-esteem; the most important step in the process of learning to know yourself is to know your strengths and weaknesses. Now this should of course be a balanced process. If you only focus on your weaknesses, you’ll end up without any self-esteem at all… and the other way around, if you only focus on what you think are your strengths you’ll end up being really arrogant.

There’s probably also some social intelligence involved, because you need some well-developed antennas to know what’s regarded as norms in society.

In short, I’d say that if you (1) are humble enough to realize when you’re wrong and others are right (probably the most important step if you ask me), (2) are aware of your strengths and know how to make use of them without letting it shine through how aware you are of these strengths (arrogance-sign nr 1 in my book), and (3) are aware of your weaknesses and are able to deal with them one by one without starting to think that everything is wrong with you, you’re well on your way to becoming a well-adjusted person.

By well-adjusted I mean being able to build your self-esteem without ending up as an emotional wreck because you think the world is against you and everything is wrong with you, and without tipping over to the dark side and become arrogant.